According to the Oxford dictionary, positivity refers to the practice of being or tendency to be optimistic in attitude. Now, that doesn't sound too bad, does it?
But what if Person A becomes fixated on the ideal hypothesis of positivity and forces oneself and Person B, who has just scratched their knee real bad, to ignore all that pain and focus only on Person A's idea of positivity?
What if they cut every conversation in between with "Be positive, bro!"?
Person B: My knee hurts real bad right now, it is too much to bear!
Person A: Oh, it will be okay, be positive!
Person B: But I already had a big wound there, what if it gets worse?
Person A: Nothing will happen, be positive, bro!
Person B: The doctor said I need an immediate surgical intervention...I am scared, what if I die?
Person A: Death is just a part of life, be positive, bro!
Person A's positivity hasn't made a good first impression here, has it? This is where the term forced positivity enters the conversation. And that's how something as beautiful as 'positivity' becomes toxic positivity.
I often wonder, what gives rise to toxic positivity? Most of it comes from upbringing and the environment we have been subjected to while growing up. While the generational side effects have been the highest shareholder among possible causes, the recent 'happiness preacher' concept, that is, focussing on the positive because there's already so much devastation happening in the world, has been a new entry to the list of causes.
People have glorified having hardships to the extent that it has now turned into a competition. The phrase, "people out there are facing worse situations than you" is one such phrase that is commonly slipped into conversations.
Let me explain how logical this phrase is; if women in India demand safety when they are outside alone and some random man who probably loves laughing at misogynistic jokes, shouts "Be thankful! At least, you can be outside on your terms. There are countries like Yemen where the law states that a woman needs her husband's permission to go outside."
To him my answer is, “Sir, are you envious, or are you simply threatened by our presence that we can go out like you?” The point is, just because someone else is having it harder, doesn't justify invalidating somebody else's genuine concerns. Brushing away genuine concerns by quoting extremes is ‘toxic positivity’.
What's the difference?
A few days back, I had found myself pondering over a random Instagram post for quite a while before scrolling to a different one; when I began to write this article, I was instantly reminded of the post, "Being positive won't mean you always feel good, it means you'll train your mind to search for the good even when it's hard." And that majorly explained the difference between positivity & forced positivity for me. When ditching forced positivity, nobody is asking you, "Hey, never be positive again" or, "Dwell in negativity!"
Instead, we are asking you to accept those emotions, feel them, understand them, because to cure something you need to know the cause behind it as well.
Why does 'Toxic Positivity' need to be withdrawn today?
A major part of toxic positivity comes from invalidating emotions. It acknowledges only positive emotions while all other emotions are treated essentially irrelevant; they are denied their existence completely. It has set only a single standard of emotion. If everything had a set standard, why would all these movements, rising feminism, acceptance of the LGBTQIA+ community, ever happen? Simply because the universe needs to have something of everything. That is what completes it - balance.
The next time you see someone acting like Person A to you, say "Hi, I don't need that right now", then put on your earphones, and read a book because reading a book never fails.
And if you are Person A, let's reflect, shall we?
Janvi Joshi
Editor, Redstockings Chronicle
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